Mum's exploring solutions to futureproof,
Her poo-roof.
In the nineties, mum thought that someone could still 'build a birdhouse' in her soul;
But now her bad bum is permanently set to poolip status : 'salad bowl'.
In Dad's mind he's Henry Cavill
In reality he's Jimmy Savile.
Zoo janitor Dad demoted from ape enclosure to small fish tank
For attempting a “gorilla wank”
sometimes it's important to have a moment of reflection,
like when dad tries to recall the only time he ever achieved erection.
Rewrite all famous songs featuring the word ‘kiss’ but replacing it with the word ‘piss’
Loads of blokes suffering awful squits,
Luckily your mum's on hand with her 'toilet tits.'
Disappointed dad feels that whenever he publicly gets his willy out,
There's either a lukewarm reception or a low turnout.
Mum is a woman possessed,
When it comes to willy size being assessed.
Dad's still listening to Mumford and Sons,
Because he's got one of the world's littlest ones.
