Dad's a serial "trouser forgetter",
And "not exactly a twat wetter".
Mum's New Year Resolution is, as ever 'to try new things'
Specifically 'to be rear-ended by a dedicated crew of blokes operating one of the Channel Tunnel boring machines'
Mum's got an extremely liberal, positive attitude towards immigration policy,
Because it means more blokes turning up with potentially bigger willy.
Dad's attitude to his anti-cock: Appallingly 'Slap Happy';
It's sun-baked on like wattle and daub;
it's his appallingly smelly 'crap nappy'.
Mum now experiences major issues,
Using conventional toilet tissues.
Dad's doing the rounds with a dubious penile schematic
Implying 'coke-can width' and erections 'not problematic'.
Bedsit dad's still listening to Wet, Wet, Wet,
Because he hasn't achieved an erection yet, yet, yet.
It's the 2010 Prick Fayre, and judging's begun for 'Category: Thin,'
Dad's aiming to take first prize - his entry looks a 'shoe-in.'
What's replaced the old pub singalong?
Yep: Free goes on mum's Emmanuel Frimpong.
Dad's researching staff shortages,
At local orphanages.
