Mum’s stuffing her face with mince pies and mulled wine
While ‘round the back’ several blokes are stuffing her behine
Dad's prone to periods of deep introspection,
About why exactly, he can't seem to maintain an erection.
Mum + bogsblokes have become extremely prolific
In enacting scenarios sexual / horrific.
Dad's just been released on parole,
For distributing children's colouring-in books made up of images of his arsehole.
Dad's set out in a new bra and knicker set,
That the general public may not be ready for yet.
Mum's been into urine gargling,
Since the days of Yuri Gagarin.
Weird little relax dad (on the stereo: Acker Bilk),
Shortly followed by a flaky emission, reminiscent of powdered milk.
Mum's been left saddled,
With a fanny that's been 'over-paddled.'
In the aftermath of festive Christmas cheer,
I thought I'd pop my head in the bogs and peer,
And sure enough amongst the puddles of sick and beer,
Lies your mother naked and halved (oh dear).
Objectification of mum: cunt / arse, which one?
Most blokes go for the former.
Your dad? Fuck knows really, he's just a 'sexual bench-warmer.'
