Making mountains out of molehills...
Dad's playing the local nonce-cops for fools;
What's been found on door handles of the primary school,
And floating in the leisure centre kid's pool?
Yep. It's traces of his stool.
In 1972, dad represented Great Britain in the Paralympics,
Winning gold in the 400 metres breast-stroke: category 'men with no pricks.'
Mum's in the gents, rarely dressed,
Dad's just the local well known sex-pest.
call the pope and tell him the news:
my finger came off in your mother's cooze.
Strike! Mums left perma-scowling,
After a strenuous game of ten prick bowelling.
No blokes has ever done time in the cooler,
For crimes committed against mum's 'stooler.'
When it comes to bum-jobs in the crapper,
Everyone knows mum's Chief Slapper.
The most striking characteristic of dad's genital,
Is that it is very smal.
Bogs-blokes have a strong hunch,
That it was sweetcorn mum had for lunch.
Dad's sent the crowd at the primary school gates scattering,
Dressed in a lingerie ensemble described as "not flattering."
