There'd been a tip-off and the ambulance crews were already there,
Even so, some kind onlooker set off a Bum-doctor Distress Flare,
Whilst rubber-neckers slowed down traffic to stare,
Yep, Mum had suffered a massive cunt-to-arse tear.
Dad's written a fascinating biographical thinkpiece
About his bad willy and how it's size "won't ever increase".
Dad went with high hopes to the Chelsea Flower Show,
But was ejected from the premises for attempting to display his 'brown flower-'ole.'
Following in daddy's footsteps (his example),
you felch for cash; frequency - ample.
Oh fuck!
My head's stuck
(welded tight: faecal muck)
Destroy any semblance of dignity,
As you really ram it into me.
Dad's experienced a humiliating cock-flop,
While exposing himself at the Build-A-Bear Workshop.
Dad's visiting the quacks to get a sperm count,
Uh-oh though, he fails to produce even a testable amount.
Dad's been spoiling the average Wimbledon-goers dream,
By infiltrating the catering facilities and interfering with the strawberries and 'cream.'
Dad's unable to render any kind of discernable sperms-pattern
On the well-thumbed bras-double-pager of catalogue: Gratton.
