Dad banned from Thorpe Park's log flume,
Due to repeated unwelcome appearances of his "little mushroom".
Mum has a nasty infestation of crotch-crickets,
Dad seems obsessed with looking at other blokes' middle-wickets.
Mum's in the morgue, cum-drenched cadaver.
Cause of death?
Everyone's 'ad her.
Dad will happily reminise for hours,
On his years working the prison showers.
Mum whistling Tina Turner's 'What's Love Got To Do With It?'
Whilst being unceremoniously caked in various blokes shit.
a small goat,
a french horn,
and a picture of King Lear:
the most interesting items i've found in your rear.
Willy experts have confirmed that it's fact:
Dad's "penis" is basically his urinary tract.
Dad's going to see the Barbie film with several other men,
Fellow members of the support group "Smooth Like Ken."
Dad's lay awake many a night considering,
How and why his willy is never biggering.
Mum's in the bogs every night doing bum-stunts;
Dad? Claims (implausibly) that he "did sex once"
