Analyzing the data in dad's sex-portfolio,
100% of acts were performed solo.
Mum's retirement plan,
Involves, inevitably, loads of man.
Your mum in a gang-bang - over when last man drops,
Dad's on the sidelines - wanking over slops.
Alarmingly, bogs-observers believe mum may not have yet reached her sexual peak,
However, it's also noted that her activity may be curtailed by the near erosion of her poo-beak.
Dad didn't get very far on Dragon's Den,
With his idea for 'Transparent Adult Nappies for Peodophile Men.'
Mum: face pressed up against the Armitage Shanks
Dad: furtive bushes playground wanks
On completion of the bogs-census,
The general consensus,
Was for bogs-blokes to maintain focus,
On mum's anus.
Taking my time with deft and precision, gently spelunking your mother's incision;
Scanning the scene, amazed at the grandeur, hugging the walls with remarkable candour.
Your dad's a big fan of the 'classless society'-
He likes to wear chaps of the arseless variety
while buggered by tramps of doubtful sobriety,
binmen unconcerned with notions of propriety,
office clerks plagued with social anxiety,
distingished professors of applied psychiatry,
Catholic archbishops of questionable piety
and three minor royals of some notoriety.
The carpets are ruined; completely piss and shit stained,
It's high-time your father became properly toilet-trained.
