Staple me onto your crotch.
Dad's fashioned himself as some kind of bogs conscientious objector,
But the simple fact of the matter is, his willy is a non-erector.
To blokes, mum appears to have a generously divisible twat,
Dad's continuing his affair with ex-Crew Alexandra, Aston Villa, Bari, Juventus, Sampdoria, Arsenal, Nottingham Forest and England World Cup Italia '90 last minute-extra-time-volley-goalscorer, David Platt.
Dad, Mum, Dad, Dad, Mum, Dad, then Mum again,
Arse, face, arse, face, fanny fanny- oh no! knobstrain!
It's International World Thin Willy Awareness Day,
And spokesman dad's doing the morning interview rounds, with plenty of personal things to say.
Not for the first time, mum's made herself something of a sexual spectacle,
She was all over the papers this morning with the discovery of her having a strange 'pubic hair crop circle.'
Dad views his sex life through the prism,
Of a kind of child's playground eroticism.
Sometimes, in the hours before dawn, mum's in reflective mood,
And thoughts wander to just how profoundly she's been poo-screwed.
Dad: at the playground trying for a game of strip Pokemon card battlers
Mum: only entertaining real 'bum-rattlers'
Bogs-docs remain deeply skeptical;
Can mum's bum continue as a viable spunk receptacle?
