Blokes need a spot of Dutch Courage,
When they catch a whiff of mum's bum-cabbage.
It's Christmas Day, and mum's not in the kitchen stuffing the turkey,
She's still in the bogs, getting stuffed by huge blokes from Turkey.
Mum only charges a fee
If she doesn't end up covered in spunk and/or wee
Half a pound of massive bloke's cock, Cunt the size of a salad bowl, That's the way your mummy goes,
Pop! Goes her arsehole!!
Overhead kick my twat off like Pelé;
Shouting 'fuck me, that's incredibly smelly'.
Mum's writing her autobiography and referring to a thesaurus,
Desperately looking for alternative words for 'anus.'
Tests may yet show the microscopic object between Dad's legs to be scrotal.
Reports of a penis, however, have proved merely to be anectodal.
Mum'll take a stuffin,
For an Egg Mcmuffin.
Dad's penis: subatomic particle with no mass;
Mum's pants: A blend of twat and shit gas.
dad's in the gents again getting fucked by piltdown man,
mum's back at the twat-quacks
(booth stench: week-old flan).
