When your dad first saw it he tried to abscond
(Philip Schofield's dribbly horror-frond).
Dad went to a gynaecologist to research his ancestry and past,
But was shocked when the investigation involved taking scrapings from up his arse.
Go viral on TikTok with a series of conspiracy theory videos about shadowy forces controlling the learner bra industry
Dad's nonce reputation: pretty fair,
As are the rumours he's "got fuck-all down there".
So comfortable is mum receiving a right old arseholing,
She'll often be bent over with a cuppa and on her phone scrolling.
A definite highlight of mum's bogs-memoirs,
Was her evening entertaining a group of well-hung Oompa-Loompas.
Mum is Master of the Dark Arts,
In simultaneous fanny and arse farts.
Mum offers absolutely no resistance,
When it comes to blokes getting in her pants.
Blokes need a spot of Dutch Courage,
When they catch a whiff of mum's bum-cabbage.
Dad can only ever achieve the mildest hard on,
watching morning TV's 'Midnight Garden'.
